During his recent address and questions at Kirkwood Community College at Cedar Rapids, Iowa, he reiterated his desire to have a constitutional amendment defining marriage to that union "between one man and one woman." I would follow that statement with another question, how do you define the the legal concepts of man and woman? Would he institute a nearly Catholic sense that men and women must be viable for reproduction? Will this eliminate late life marriages and marriages between persons with some form of sterility in one of the parties? How will post operative males and females be affected, does Mitt expect these people to go through life with no intimate relationships? Since, Mitt connects his desire for a constitutional amendment to the strengthening of the traditional nuclear family, so that children will see a model of such a family, does this mean a constitutional amendment preventing single persons and same sex couples from raising their own children or adopted children is next? What kind of Pandora's box would such an amendment open? The German Nazi's had fixed ideas about how people should be without any regard for how people are. It seems that at issue is the forcing of a pluralistic society to live in a mode dictated by Christian fundementalism.
In many ways, Mitt has impressed me; however, he, as do many right to life proponents, seems to support life for life's sake without any consideration for the quality of that life. There should be no person that believes in right to life that has not adopted an American born child who has been abandoned by circumstance. There should be no poor pregnant teen who is without prenatal care, unconditional love and support making a decision to either keep or adopt out their newborn. Would the thinking of the preservation of the nuclear family require marriage for such a girl to keep a child?
Mitt, where is this going? Have you thought much about the impact of your ideals regarding family, life, or marriage limitations? It seems odd that a church that still struggles with polygamy issues in the Southwest, would want to deny marriage to millions of Muslims and tribally oriented folks of Africa, Asia and elsewhere. 200 years ago, my ancestor in the Louisiana purchase had three wives. Perhaps such folks could be allowed a civil union, like GLBT folks desire, to keep their nuclear family intact. Following Mitt's line of thinking maybe we need an amendment that defines who constitutes a family, too.
Friday, November 30, 2007
Movie Review -- Transgeneration: the Series - The Tip of the Iceburg
“Trans Generation”
I do not watch much broadcast television and my cable selections are purposefully limited, so I do not get the Sundance Channel. However, my Netflix account allows me to get DVD encapsulations of many series that I have never heard of but upon seeing them, have enjoyed. Transgeneration (TG) is one of those Sundance Channel syndicated documentaries that has so much truth to tell us about real people and complicated relationships.
T.J., Lucas, Raci and Gabbie each have unique perspectives; the discussion of which are usually avoided in politically conservative circles. They all struggle with the process, both conscious and physical, of transitioning from one gender to another. They want to be the person that they feel that they are. The tomboys who see themselves now as men and the driven “sissies” who now seek to have the bodies of women and recognition as a woman, without the possibility of having biological children from their own gene pool in a simple manner. People have such goings on in their lives. One of the things that comes up in polite conversation about trans gendered people is how genuine a loving relationship can be as a transgender person? As demonstrated by the relationship between T.J., a female to male transsexual, and his girlfriend, the dynamic is no different; individuals share who they are and their intimate journeys to where they are with compassion, affirmation, concern and love.
At one time, I had two parishioners who dated with the opposite gender but never developed long relationships. They were known in the GLBT community but were closeted tightly because they did not want their extended birth family or their church community to know they were gay and lesbian. Their public lives were carefully conceived shows for their extended families. They could not share their journey with their family, their pastor or their partners. These folks were well into middle age and still riddled with childhood fear of disappointing the parents and being on the receiving end of disapproval. As a non-transsexual transgendered person, who has had three honest and two successful relationships with the opposite gender, I, too, had those same feelings about disapproval. My late mother and her mother, in whom I confided my transgender dilemma, continued to care about me and treat me with dignity and respect as a person, however they died over a decade ago. Likewise, my sister and I are close; as are many of my close friends, the members of the religious congregation I belong to, on line and my spouse. Lucas, Raci, and Gabbie, on TG, all have good relations with their parents. T.J., whose parents are Armenians living in Cyprus, is experiencing some distancing from his parents. Though T.J.’s situation seems to reflect the response of parents imagined by transgender persons prior to disclosing, literature reflects that the reality is more even.
It is one thing to feel like a man and make a transition to manhood. That works regardless of sexual preference. The same for feeling like a woman and making that transition. Homophobia seems to grip fundamentalists of most religions; this is when an individual’s homosexuality is open and apparent. Like the male and female mutually exclusive dichotomy, gay and lesbian circles are mutually exclusive. It is a concept most people can wrap their heads around. Yet, the catch word for both is “exclusive.” The lack of dialogue arises in the grouping of sexual and gender inclusiveness. The general population of most of the world has no clue, even leaders of industry and religion. They cannot seem to conceive that people have relationships both sexual and gender-wise; yet, all of these inclusive folks are lumped into a mistaken understanding of homosexuality. Gender identity is not sexual, it is how we express ourselves without standing on a monolithic dichotomy.
Transexuals dearly desire to be physically a gender into which they are not born. Medicine can only accommodate an incomplete transition. Medicine falls short of some future gene therapy where gender could be changed at a cellular level. Yet, even here, sexual preference is not guaranteed. Transitioned women often want the full experience of womanhood including an intimate relationship with a biological man. This is where the social taboos on homosexuality get hazy. Then there are those who despise men, a concept which figured greatly into the decision to transition and prefer only a close relationship with another woman, transitioned or biological. Again, the appearance of a same gender relationship is on shaky ground. Conversely, the same logic can be safely applied to female to male transitioners.
Bisexuals are a complete different world and have different motivating factors ranging from hedonism to neediness to conquest to deep seated feelings that two genders exist in the individual in varying degrees. Since such individuals are not exclusive, they really do not belong in the category of homosexuality, some of their acts may be but exclusivity is non existent here. However, bisexuality should not be confused with those who express themselves as inter-gender or “Omnigender”[1] persons. This inter-gender group is also often connected to those who are asexual and see themselves without gender, “eunuchs” as it were, though the two groups are as different as night and day. The former can be very inclusive but the latter is monolithically exclusive and self-sustaining.
Gender fluidity is well explained in the following: “..Sex, gender, and sexuality represent analytically distinct categories, that the sex of the body does not determine either gender or sexual identity, that doctors can alter characteristics of bodily sex. Some disputed binary definitions of biological sex by adopting a newer version of the early twentieth-century concept of a spectrum of sexes, a vision of multiple sexes "from very male to very female, with countless variations in between." Others focused on gender identities, not rigid identities, but "identities in progress . . . distinct from the material body." Some saw in transsexuals an evolving core sense of self and others a postmodern "fluidity ... a limitless number of genders, for any length of time, at any rate of change." Many combined the feminists' critique of the constraints of rigid gender dichotomies and the gay liberationists' goal of freedom of expression, and rendered healthy the variations that doctors had routinely cast as illness and disorder. "Transgender and transsexual," Jason Cromwell wrote, "are genders that exist outside the binary of two."[2]
With this in mind, in episode seven, Raci and her friend Apple go on a transgender bike-a-thon in Malibu. As they gather in groups to discuss the issue of sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), Apple tells of a transsexual friend who had completed SRS twenty years before. “I asked her if I should get the surgery and she said ‘If you are happy that way, stay that way’” It is so simple, being who you are without altering ones biology on the belief that your problems would be solved by SRS. There is much more to life than “passing” one way or another.
We, who are happy with who we are as we are, need to be more outspoken and less furtive in trying to appear at one extreme or the other of the gender spectrum. It has been sixty years since Kinsey first statistically demonstrated this spectrum, we have come a long way in medicine since then but as a larger society very few have accepted the concept of fluid gender. Even those of us who are out as fluid in our gender identity have done little to accept it in themselves, much less move toward social action in this area. Virginia Mollencott makes a good case for accepting the fluidity in ourselves and how it would minimize any rush to gender reassignment ant its connected expenses.
Transgeneration is an excellent introduction to the reality of life for young transgender individuals, though the desire for support and community is a driving force in all but Gabbie who seemed self-absorbed and single-minded in her approach to SRS. T.J., Lucas, and Raci seemed to be more open to being treated as the gender identity they presented though SRS did not seem to be their focus. I have yet to see a documentary about transgender individuals who are not locked into acceptance as a male or female. The subject has been a demeaning source of comedy in the Hollywood driven media. The need for community of like minded individuals is what drives us to seek out mates, friendships, spiritual community and camaraderie with strangers we might encounter in the dining car on a rail trip. We need each other more than one might think and we need to be included in our wider community. The greatest challenge is not gaining the acceptance of others but accepting ourselves as we are any given moment of the day. Some of us still have a long way to go. Being healthy in mind requires one to be true to oneself, regardless of the opinions of others or the monoliths that stand in the way.
[1] Mollenkott, Virginia; Omnigender; Pilgrim Press, 2002
[2] Meyerowitz, Joanne, How Sex Changed:A History of Transsexuality in the United States, Harvard University Press (2002) pg. 284
I do not watch much broadcast television and my cable selections are purposefully limited, so I do not get the Sundance Channel. However, my Netflix account allows me to get DVD encapsulations of many series that I have never heard of but upon seeing them, have enjoyed. Transgeneration (TG) is one of those Sundance Channel syndicated documentaries that has so much truth to tell us about real people and complicated relationships.
T.J., Lucas, Raci and Gabbie each have unique perspectives; the discussion of which are usually avoided in politically conservative circles. They all struggle with the process, both conscious and physical, of transitioning from one gender to another. They want to be the person that they feel that they are. The tomboys who see themselves now as men and the driven “sissies” who now seek to have the bodies of women and recognition as a woman, without the possibility of having biological children from their own gene pool in a simple manner. People have such goings on in their lives. One of the things that comes up in polite conversation about trans gendered people is how genuine a loving relationship can be as a transgender person? As demonstrated by the relationship between T.J., a female to male transsexual, and his girlfriend, the dynamic is no different; individuals share who they are and their intimate journeys to where they are with compassion, affirmation, concern and love.
At one time, I had two parishioners who dated with the opposite gender but never developed long relationships. They were known in the GLBT community but were closeted tightly because they did not want their extended birth family or their church community to know they were gay and lesbian. Their public lives were carefully conceived shows for their extended families. They could not share their journey with their family, their pastor or their partners. These folks were well into middle age and still riddled with childhood fear of disappointing the parents and being on the receiving end of disapproval. As a non-transsexual transgendered person, who has had three honest and two successful relationships with the opposite gender, I, too, had those same feelings about disapproval. My late mother and her mother, in whom I confided my transgender dilemma, continued to care about me and treat me with dignity and respect as a person, however they died over a decade ago. Likewise, my sister and I are close; as are many of my close friends, the members of the religious congregation I belong to, on line and my spouse. Lucas, Raci, and Gabbie, on TG, all have good relations with their parents. T.J., whose parents are Armenians living in Cyprus, is experiencing some distancing from his parents. Though T.J.’s situation seems to reflect the response of parents imagined by transgender persons prior to disclosing, literature reflects that the reality is more even.
It is one thing to feel like a man and make a transition to manhood. That works regardless of sexual preference. The same for feeling like a woman and making that transition. Homophobia seems to grip fundamentalists of most religions; this is when an individual’s homosexuality is open and apparent. Like the male and female mutually exclusive dichotomy, gay and lesbian circles are mutually exclusive. It is a concept most people can wrap their heads around. Yet, the catch word for both is “exclusive.” The lack of dialogue arises in the grouping of sexual and gender inclusiveness. The general population of most of the world has no clue, even leaders of industry and religion. They cannot seem to conceive that people have relationships both sexual and gender-wise; yet, all of these inclusive folks are lumped into a mistaken understanding of homosexuality. Gender identity is not sexual, it is how we express ourselves without standing on a monolithic dichotomy.
Transexuals dearly desire to be physically a gender into which they are not born. Medicine can only accommodate an incomplete transition. Medicine falls short of some future gene therapy where gender could be changed at a cellular level. Yet, even here, sexual preference is not guaranteed. Transitioned women often want the full experience of womanhood including an intimate relationship with a biological man. This is where the social taboos on homosexuality get hazy. Then there are those who despise men, a concept which figured greatly into the decision to transition and prefer only a close relationship with another woman, transitioned or biological. Again, the appearance of a same gender relationship is on shaky ground. Conversely, the same logic can be safely applied to female to male transitioners.
Bisexuals are a complete different world and have different motivating factors ranging from hedonism to neediness to conquest to deep seated feelings that two genders exist in the individual in varying degrees. Since such individuals are not exclusive, they really do not belong in the category of homosexuality, some of their acts may be but exclusivity is non existent here. However, bisexuality should not be confused with those who express themselves as inter-gender or “Omnigender”[1] persons. This inter-gender group is also often connected to those who are asexual and see themselves without gender, “eunuchs” as it were, though the two groups are as different as night and day. The former can be very inclusive but the latter is monolithically exclusive and self-sustaining.
Gender fluidity is well explained in the following: “..Sex, gender, and sexuality represent analytically distinct categories, that the sex of the body does not determine either gender or sexual identity, that doctors can alter characteristics of bodily sex. Some disputed binary definitions of biological sex by adopting a newer version of the early twentieth-century concept of a spectrum of sexes, a vision of multiple sexes "from very male to very female, with countless variations in between." Others focused on gender identities, not rigid identities, but "identities in progress . . . distinct from the material body." Some saw in transsexuals an evolving core sense of self and others a postmodern "fluidity ... a limitless number of genders, for any length of time, at any rate of change." Many combined the feminists' critique of the constraints of rigid gender dichotomies and the gay liberationists' goal of freedom of expression, and rendered healthy the variations that doctors had routinely cast as illness and disorder. "Transgender and transsexual," Jason Cromwell wrote, "are genders that exist outside the binary of two."[2]
With this in mind, in episode seven, Raci and her friend Apple go on a transgender bike-a-thon in Malibu. As they gather in groups to discuss the issue of sexual reassignment surgery (SRS), Apple tells of a transsexual friend who had completed SRS twenty years before. “I asked her if I should get the surgery and she said ‘If you are happy that way, stay that way’” It is so simple, being who you are without altering ones biology on the belief that your problems would be solved by SRS. There is much more to life than “passing” one way or another.
We, who are happy with who we are as we are, need to be more outspoken and less furtive in trying to appear at one extreme or the other of the gender spectrum. It has been sixty years since Kinsey first statistically demonstrated this spectrum, we have come a long way in medicine since then but as a larger society very few have accepted the concept of fluid gender. Even those of us who are out as fluid in our gender identity have done little to accept it in themselves, much less move toward social action in this area. Virginia Mollencott makes a good case for accepting the fluidity in ourselves and how it would minimize any rush to gender reassignment ant its connected expenses.
Transgeneration is an excellent introduction to the reality of life for young transgender individuals, though the desire for support and community is a driving force in all but Gabbie who seemed self-absorbed and single-minded in her approach to SRS. T.J., Lucas, and Raci seemed to be more open to being treated as the gender identity they presented though SRS did not seem to be their focus. I have yet to see a documentary about transgender individuals who are not locked into acceptance as a male or female. The subject has been a demeaning source of comedy in the Hollywood driven media. The need for community of like minded individuals is what drives us to seek out mates, friendships, spiritual community and camaraderie with strangers we might encounter in the dining car on a rail trip. We need each other more than one might think and we need to be included in our wider community. The greatest challenge is not gaining the acceptance of others but accepting ourselves as we are any given moment of the day. Some of us still have a long way to go. Being healthy in mind requires one to be true to oneself, regardless of the opinions of others or the monoliths that stand in the way.
[1] Mollenkott, Virginia; Omnigender; Pilgrim Press, 2002
[2] Meyerowitz, Joanne, How Sex Changed:A History of Transsexuality in the United States, Harvard University Press (2002) pg. 284
Monday, October 29, 2007
GENDER: The Isolated Non-Game Player
Honestly, when the shoe does not fit, do not wear it. From the time I was aware I was a person, a person with ideas, dreams and aspirations, not quite three years of age, I knew I did not fit in to the roles into which parents and society were trying to force me. I was born into fairly good circumstances, despite a lifelong growing dislike my father had for me since I was two.
Most of my early friends were girls. I really did not know there was a difference until I was in preschool. Where I lived nearly every child wore overalls in the winter and swim shorts in the summer except on Sunday. My first haircut was really traumatic. I learned quickly that I did not like anything about my male associates that smacked of the testosterone behavior they were learning for their dads. My own father was very intense in the few times we had together and I do not think he ever really bonded to me nor I to him.
I was about nine when I began cross-dressing, subsequent to my mother's attempted suicide . My mom and I were the same size. With Dad working and Mom in treatment, I had a lot of time alone with her wardrobe. By age 12, I resembled a youngish John Carridine, though in my heart I felt like the Bobsey Twins. I was seventy two inches tall and was shy of 200 pounds. I was still harboring anger toward schoolmates who preyed on my good nature as if it was some sort of weakness to be exploited by the strong. This while attending parochial school and being told to stand in defense of the weak and less fortunate. The odd thing was that I was bigger than nearly everyone else, including teachers, and still, as Chief Bromden said in Dale Wasserman's play, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, I was little inside.
In self defense, I became a loner, and until I began acting on stage at age 15, I had no close friends. I had an undiagnosed learning disability that kept me from ever getting the whole picture during a lecture unless I wrote down every word and re-read it later. I was always trying to gain approval by playing football, working on the school newspaper and yearbook, but acting finally kicked in a sense of self-esteem heretofore lacking except in the presence of my maternal grandparents.
Girls seemed to take interest in me in my Senior year, but my interest was beyond the sexual attraction. Often rebuffed for being too intense or too philosophically intimate, I made a lot of bad decisions looking for Ms. Right. For a long time, between my second and third marriage, I would take every opportunity to socialize enfemme publicly, in addition to doing an occasional female impersonation on stage. Though outed at work as a transvestite, I just took it and kept my mouth shut. I also met a few others like me though less mature in their relationship building.
During this time I became a Quaker, kicking my position in the Army Reserve, where I was respected and sought after for my abilities training soldiers and drill instructors. I never shared my vulnerability with Uncle Sam because I did not like men for the most part. I was a refuge resource for several lesbians who read me like a book and were quite decent toward me. I could not embrace a spirituality that excluded caring seekers of God. God loves us regardless of race, color , creed, national origin, gender, gender identity, sexual preference, or economic circumstance, how could I do any less?
All of this came together in Seminary at age 53. I took on an interim pastoral assignment at a church that had room solely for "regular folks." There were two adult children in this family church that were deeply closeted. Though I preached the Gospel, I would back pedal on issues of spiritual justice that I felt strongly about supporting. I was becoming hypocritical in my own mind. My next position was a field assignment as an associate pastor who often shared some of the same thoughts I subscribed to, and that went well. I was barely into my first full time position as a pastor, when disability struck and I was led to quit.
The one thing I have noticed having male and female friends that vacillate between gender identities almost like someone with a multiple personality disorder, is that they are limited in their development of relationships where they are truly appreciated. It is hard to commit to a relationship where there are few signs of honesty and demonstrated trust. I have read many stories of transexuals who have identified themselves as lesbian because, like me, they do not feel men can have deep meaningful relationships, full of affection and affirmation, particularly where birth gender is different from the gender presentation. Judging from the divorce rate among American Christians and hate crimes against gender deviates, perhaps they are right.
I have had several agender advocates as friends and associates, and they, too, are isolated and lonely. I have come finally, after three score years, to a gender identity as a blended person. My friends are comfortable with this idea, my spiritual guides are comfortable, my spouse is comfortable and this is good.
In the future, I want to share further some of my studies on the subject of Gender Identity.
If you want to know more about this subject try reading Virginia Mollenkott's Omnigender, by Pilgrim Press.
Most of my early friends were girls. I really did not know there was a difference until I was in preschool. Where I lived nearly every child wore overalls in the winter and swim shorts in the summer except on Sunday. My first haircut was really traumatic. I learned quickly that I did not like anything about my male associates that smacked of the testosterone behavior they were learning for their dads. My own father was very intense in the few times we had together and I do not think he ever really bonded to me nor I to him.
I was about nine when I began cross-dressing, subsequent to my mother's attempted suicide . My mom and I were the same size. With Dad working and Mom in treatment, I had a lot of time alone with her wardrobe. By age 12, I resembled a youngish John Carridine, though in my heart I felt like the Bobsey Twins. I was seventy two inches tall and was shy of 200 pounds. I was still harboring anger toward schoolmates who preyed on my good nature as if it was some sort of weakness to be exploited by the strong. This while attending parochial school and being told to stand in defense of the weak and less fortunate. The odd thing was that I was bigger than nearly everyone else, including teachers, and still, as Chief Bromden said in Dale Wasserman's play, One Flew over the Cuckoo's Nest, I was little inside.
In self defense, I became a loner, and until I began acting on stage at age 15, I had no close friends. I had an undiagnosed learning disability that kept me from ever getting the whole picture during a lecture unless I wrote down every word and re-read it later. I was always trying to gain approval by playing football, working on the school newspaper and yearbook, but acting finally kicked in a sense of self-esteem heretofore lacking except in the presence of my maternal grandparents.
Girls seemed to take interest in me in my Senior year, but my interest was beyond the sexual attraction. Often rebuffed for being too intense or too philosophically intimate, I made a lot of bad decisions looking for Ms. Right. For a long time, between my second and third marriage, I would take every opportunity to socialize enfemme publicly, in addition to doing an occasional female impersonation on stage. Though outed at work as a transvestite, I just took it and kept my mouth shut. I also met a few others like me though less mature in their relationship building.
During this time I became a Quaker, kicking my position in the Army Reserve, where I was respected and sought after for my abilities training soldiers and drill instructors. I never shared my vulnerability with Uncle Sam because I did not like men for the most part. I was a refuge resource for several lesbians who read me like a book and were quite decent toward me. I could not embrace a spirituality that excluded caring seekers of God. God loves us regardless of race, color , creed, national origin, gender, gender identity, sexual preference, or economic circumstance, how could I do any less?
All of this came together in Seminary at age 53. I took on an interim pastoral assignment at a church that had room solely for "regular folks." There were two adult children in this family church that were deeply closeted. Though I preached the Gospel, I would back pedal on issues of spiritual justice that I felt strongly about supporting. I was becoming hypocritical in my own mind. My next position was a field assignment as an associate pastor who often shared some of the same thoughts I subscribed to, and that went well. I was barely into my first full time position as a pastor, when disability struck and I was led to quit.
The one thing I have noticed having male and female friends that vacillate between gender identities almost like someone with a multiple personality disorder, is that they are limited in their development of relationships where they are truly appreciated. It is hard to commit to a relationship where there are few signs of honesty and demonstrated trust. I have read many stories of transexuals who have identified themselves as lesbian because, like me, they do not feel men can have deep meaningful relationships, full of affection and affirmation, particularly where birth gender is different from the gender presentation. Judging from the divorce rate among American Christians and hate crimes against gender deviates, perhaps they are right.
I have had several agender advocates as friends and associates, and they, too, are isolated and lonely. I have come finally, after three score years, to a gender identity as a blended person. My friends are comfortable with this idea, my spiritual guides are comfortable, my spouse is comfortable and this is good.
In the future, I want to share further some of my studies on the subject of Gender Identity.
If you want to know more about this subject try reading Virginia Mollenkott's Omnigender, by Pilgrim Press.
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